I live in a frat house. I go to frat parties. I fight. I especially like to fight independents. If independents were cool, they would have pledged a frat in the first place. I know that I am more fun and can party harder than any Sigma Chi. I am exclusive. I run dances. I am the brains behind Spring Break. I am the reason road trips exist. I hope you enjoyed my homecoming party last Friday. I can recite the Greek alphabet before the fire of a match burns out. I can rattle off all of my founding fathers as well as my fraternity obligations, but I don't know the words to my school song or my accounting profs last name. I don't go to class. I never study. I devise elaborate schemes to cheat on my exams. I don't buy books. I have a low GPA. I have an endless supply of doctor notes from the campus health center. I am thankful that my frat buddies will get me a job after graduation because I know that I can't get one on my own. I give more than $1000 of my parents' money in social dues each year to promote my frat's alcoholism problem. I drink because I am cool. I drink a lot because I am cooler than you. I serve alcohol to minors. I urinate in public. I do keg stand and have keg parties. I am the master at indians. I own you in quarters. I have never not drunk in the game "I never." If I can't find my beer bong I know I can find one next door. I don't binge drink-I continually drink. I have a pre-party for the pre-party. I can dance. I wear my letters. Ibillboard my frat on sweatshirts. Most of my T-shirts are frat T's from frat parties. I wear long sleeved T's under short sleeved T's. I own many plaid button downs. I tuck in the front and let the back hand out. I own one baseball hat. I live in my khakis. I wear Timberlands in the winter and sandals in the summer. Sometimes, I wear sandals in the winter because I can. I drive an SUV. I play with my dog on the front lawn. My hair is a mess yet totally in style. I sometimes don't shave for ...
